Apologies, folks, for my silence on here. I've been incredibly busy with college and whatnot. Anyhoo, on with the show! this is from Chapter 7, still in progress.
In the dark of night, the McGordon tower stood tall and silent in the
whispering clearing, like a stalwart rock in the midst of a typhoon.
Around the tower, the trees whispered and swayed in the breeze, as
though gossiping amongst each other about some monstrocity. There was
evil abroad this night. Unseen by the slumbering McGordon household, a
slim, fluttering shadow peeled itself away from the shadows of the
woods, paused, seemingly giving a once-over on the tower, and fluttered
off into the darkness.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Girl, where is your head this morning,
sighed Brother Martin, looming over Eothain in his mud-spattered brown
robes. She was just a little girl, barely ten, dressed in a patched and
battered hand-me-down tunic from her big brother, Liam. Her vivid blonde
hair was tucked behind her ears gingerly, so as to keep her hair out of
her face, and away from her work. She was supposed to be writing her
alphabet, but she had been distracted by a fluttering feather trapped in
the blades of grass, and was painstakingly drawing it. She was nearly
done with the final tufts of grass, when a scarred, withered hand
settled on the edge of the parchment.
"As beautiful as God's
creations are," Brother Martin said, "your practice-piece is not the
place for it." Eothain dropped her quill pen, making a huge blot on her
scrap of parchment, and very carefully looked up at him. The deep-set
wrinkles in his face crinkled back like old parchment into a soft, wry
smile. His gentle blue eyes seemed to be an even mix between joyous
laughter and weariness, telling the wordless saga of his life.
What
hair he had left clung to his scalp in a silver crescent. His heavy
brown robes hung loosely off his narrow frame, as though made for a
person much larger in size. Eothain's terrified eyes stared up at him in
horror, expecting him to smack her knuckles or otherwise express his
disapproval, but he just sighed gently, and picked up her scrap of
parchment to examine her handiwork. Finally, after a while, he looked up
from the parchment, beaming down at her, allaying her fears.
"Young
miss," he began. "The Father has granted you a talented and steady
hand. Mayhaps one day you will grace God with your gift." Eothain smiled
in wonder at the encouraging, gentle words of the strange, ancient
monk.
Brother Martin of Bannockburn was certainly an odd one.
Several years ago, he had shown up in her small, wayward village in the
middle of a raging thunderstorm, pushing a canvas-covered wheelbarrow
full of books and writing supplies. He had said little of his past, much
less what he was running from, but once he offered to give a noble's
education to the children of the town, they all looked the other way.
Unlike other passing priests, Martin genuinely cared for the well-being
of those of his new home town, and was humble in spirit and kind in
heart. Quite simply, everyone loved him, despite his secretiveness, and
he appeared to love them the same.
The wind picked up then, and a
strong breeze bristled through the glen, setting the segments of
parchment alight on the breeze, and Eothain's wild, untamed hair tangled
itself in the wind. Martin cautiously looked up into the rapidly
darkening sky, as thick, black clouds raced towards them. He looked down
at her grimly, his eyes starting to echo the clouds. "There's a storm
coming, lil'un," he said somberly. "If you thought it was bad before,
the worst is yet to come."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Eothain awoke,
sheets entangled around her, to her shared tower-top bedroom. Narrow
beams of the early morning's sunlight streamed through the windows,
enlightening the room just a bit. She sighed in relief, her heart
slowing down to a normal, steady pace. It had been ages since she had
last dreamed of that day with Brother Martin. Not long after that day,
he had disappeared without a trace.
She carefully got out of bed,
and sleepily stumbled down the tower stairs. Pushing open the heavy
wooden door, the McGordon kitchen was in chaos. Willum, clutching a
little wooden dagger, was being chased around the kitchen table by a
cloud of his siblings, wielding wooden swords, axes, and other weapons
of wooden death. Aidan was face-down on the kitchen table, sound asleep.
Mr. McGordon looked much better than he was the night before, and was
trying to take a taste of the bowl of some scrumptious-smelling dish,
and got a smack across the knuckles with the ever-ready iron ladle from
his wife. In short, it felt like home.
Very interesting and well-written. It definitely makes me want to read more, and I was sorry to see the end of the excerpt. Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteIt was very good... wow I want to read more! I like Mr. McGordon getting smacked on the knuckles muahahahaha! An awesome woman! ;-) Seems to me someone I'd want to talk with lolz
ReplyDeleteVery nice! I really like it! This story just gets more interesting everytime you post an except.
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion, as I was reading I came across some repeated words. When writing, you want to try cut out repeated words as much as possible and use different words to replace them.
The Thesaurus is my best friend.
Other than that, great! I really like your descriptions - especially the "her hair tangled in the wind" one.